Gobble gobble and we zoom to Christmas

Wednesday was filled with car car car crap. My daughter's car died, literally, last week. She described her stick shift as a limp dick. For those of you with mechanical knowledge, that could be a bad transmission or a clutch problem. Either way, it's not good so we found her a new car. Well, a used car but new to her. Spent 5 hours on Wednesday getting the loan, insurance, license plates. ARGGGGH!!!! Done.

Drove back to St. Louis that evening and went to Turkey Day festivities, a 99-yr-old tradition in our little 'burb in St. Louis. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun with food and family. My sister had it catered this year so all we had to worry about was the traditional creamed peas. I don't want to hear any crap outta you. You've never had MY creamed peas. We laughed so much at dinner. My one sister reviews movies and was describing a movie she just reviewed where the PR people made an explicit plea for the reviewers not to tell the ending in their review. My niece mumble, "They said they same thing about "Titanic." I thought Dorothy and I would fall over laughing.

Then we talked about my new job. If you haven't figured it out, it has to do with sex, sort of. Since my oldest sister is a Southern Baptist, their Thanksgiving conversation would be nothing like what the rest of the family talked about. I mentioned my favorite interview question: So you're in a room of 4th graders. What do you say when one of the boys asks you if your masturbate? I told my niece that I bet she doesn't have that conversation when she goes to her parents for Thanksgiving dinner later this weekend. She guessed that no one else's Thanksgiving included this conversation we were having.

If you're interested, after I answered the interviewer's question, I asked the guy, "So what about the other question?" He said, "And that would be?" I said, "When the teenager girl asks me, 'Does size matter?'" He asked, "Well, does it?" And I answered, "Hell yes." It was an interview like none other. And we just laughed and laughed at Thanksgiving dinner.

And then we came back to the house and painted today to get ready to put it on the market. The family went to lunch, and I almost ran over an old lady at Home Depot... in my car. And we laughed and laughed. I didn't think I was that close, but the STBX and the girls tried to convince me that maybe she peed her pants when she saw me coming for her. (I swear, my foot slipped.) You would never guess we were getting divorced by how much we laughed while painting. I am so proud of how we are handling things.

And then my sister took me to see "Spamalot" for my Christmas present, and I laughed some more. If you're in the neighborhood, bring a paint brush and get to work. I am so thankful for all of you, my friends, near and far, in cold weather and warm, in the US and Texas and Canada, I adore you all madly.