Tuesday, October 31, 2006

It's hell in the hallway

Can we just have a moment of silence??? THE CARDINALS WON THE WORLD SERIES. Of course, 48 hours later they were named Most Dangerous City so it all balances out.

So I went to a friend's house Friday evening and ended up talking for 6 hours. She was my landlady when I was a senior in college, and I babysat for her 1-yr-old (who is this gorgeous actor in LA now). She and I had so much in common now that it was uncanny. She described what I was going through and what she went through as a trapeze act. The hardest part was letting go of the first swing. Once that was done, hanging in the air, waiting for the next swing sure isn't fun but it's necessary before grabbing onto that next swing. When I relayed that analogy to my sister's friend, she said, "When one door closes, another opens." And I thought (to myself, because my filter worked that day), "What a friggin' trite statement." And then she added, "But it's hell in the hallway." And I laughed. That's where I am. In the hallway. I want that on my tee-shirt.

So I went back "home" for 24 hours this past weekend. I do not recommend that. Yes, I stayed at the house because it was such a short visit. No, I did not sleep with my STBX. Yes, I was in the basement on the couch. Yes, it was friggin' lonely and weird. Yes, I deserved that. I'm glad I did it to see what had (and had not)been done. He has taken down anything that was related to me, family photos, trinkets that I hadn't packed, pillows. I couldn't blame him a bit. It was also good because I realized he had not done anything to get the house on the market. So in that way, I was glad to get there and see what progress had been made.

So I came back depressed and energized. Why did I think he would become pro-active when he is passive aggressive? And that's ok. Now I have to get things started. My sister is going out of town for a week (to see The Northern Lights) and instead of the STBX watching her cat, she suggested I come back and watch her house and the cat. Then I could help get our house on the market and not stay there. First, I secured an appointment with a well-known real estate agent in town. Then I will spend time every day packing up crap that I left behind when I ran away from home. Instead of being mean and vindictive, I called him and explained that I was sorry I left him with all that work and that it wasn't fair. Together we will get a storage unit for excess furniture and boxes. Together we will close out an account to pay off our credit card (and then I will cut it up). I am really not being naive. I just know how we work together. Why did I think I could get away with not doing this? Second, I called a lawyer and have an appointment. I think picking a friend who knows my STBX will make him less likely to think that we are "out to get him" as he would if I picked a stranger.

I'm not going through half the hell as The Artful Blogger or thousands of women with small children and shitty STBX-husbands. It's not cancer. It's just hell in the hallway.


At 4:22 PM, Blogger Silent One ~D~ said...

I think that is a perfect way to describe it.... Hell in the hallway!

wishing you and sending you strength!

At 5:44 PM, Blogger greekchickie said...

If 2 people want to make it work, they will. Divorce can be relatively painless if you don't have a buttwipe like ~L's STBX.


Hope everything is going smoothly.


At 10:20 PM, Blogger PLANET3RRY said...

an addendum to the door closes and another opens... if you can't find the door, use the window.

Hope that everything goes quickly and smoothly for you!

At 2:21 AM, Blogger Pilot Mom said...

I think it's wonderful how God provided you a place to stay so you can deal with the selling of your house.

I continue to pray for you all.

Blessings Friend!

At 6:07 AM, Blogger Pam said...

I'm so glad it wasn't me who said "when one door closes..."


But the "hell in the hallway" is damn funny.

That was a hard weekend for you. I wish things could've turned out differently. Maybe it's what you needed to be reminded of, to keep you on your path. Were you contemplating changing your mind at all, about making these changes? That is until you saw what he had not done?

Laughing at P3. I'm sure you will get this worked out.

And just to be that much of a b*tch...don't forget,
"no rest for the wicked..."


Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny...
oh hell ya it was.

At 12:13 PM, Blogger Cheryl Wray said...

Okay, I think the "Hell in the hallway" description was perfect!!! When you're going through stuff like this you often don't want to hear the "trite" statements like "A window will open," or "Time heals all wounds," or "It will all work out." They are usually ACTUALLY true, but when you're going through it at that moment, yep . . . it's hell!
Keep your chin up! I think you're doing famously!!

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Haleigh Anne said...

I'm in the hallway with you this week. I don't have any good words to send...so, I will just send good and encouraging thoughts. :)

At 8:22 PM, Blogger Snow White said...

Hang in there... it takes baby steps at first, but soon you'll be surprised at how easy it becomes.


At 7:41 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I tried to take things down from the house..photos, etc...he accuses me of alienating him from his children.

Um..yeah. I'm not keeping our wedding photos up. Good grief! I am still boxing his junk up and moving it into the garage, too.

I am glad you are not going through what I have to...it sucks!!

At 8:52 AM, Blogger Kitty said...

I'm sending big hugs your way. There is light at the end of the hallway of hell.... I promise!


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