Monday, January 24, 2005

My van is sitting in the driveway

My van is sitting in the driveway with the windows down. I'm hoping it helps the intense smell that is in there. See, I had to take our dog to the vet today. I got the towel on the seat and got Gracie in the second seat as she whined ("Are you dumping me somewhere?") and wandered all over the middle and back seats. Before leaving the driveway, I remembered that the vet's office always needs a sample of well... dirt... how do I saw... dog shit. What a job. So I got one of the pooper scooper plastic bags and purveyed the many piles in the backyard (that my husband usually scoops up on the weekends) and got one of the freshest samples (still steaming from the mid-day sun). I scooped it up and the smell was horrendous so I put it inside 2 Schnucks bags and tied the bag and threw it on the floor of the passenger seat. Off we went. The smell started wafting up through the van. Oh doggie shit.

So afterwards I couldn't help but whip by a little favorite restaurant that I never get to because it's not close to my house... THANK GOD. No finger waving. But since I was in South County, I whipped around the drive-thru at the White Castle and ordered 4 cheeseburgers. That's all. Give me credit for no French fries or onion rings! Also, at my age, I can't tolerate this very often, but I do consider it God's natural laxative (along with fig newtons). As I'm driving down the road, throwing belly bombers in my mouth so no one sees me, I sniff. Is that dog shit I smell or White Castle? If you've ever had White Castle, you know what I mean? The combination was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I stopped off at church to drop off some things, and when I got back in the car, the combination of dog shit (which had been locked into 2 bags) and the belly bombers (which were now just empty boxes) was enough to knock your socks off. I could barely drive home.

So I have left my van out in the driveway with the windows down. It is a sunny, dry, windy beautiful day in St. Louis, and I'm hoping God's natural air conditioner can eliminate the incredible, knock-your-freckles-off odor in my van.

Wanna take a ride with me?


At 3:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear RHE,
I've found plastic bread wrappers to be thicker, more "air tight" and secure. They are also easier to carry, and you can put your hand into them to "wear" like a glove. Then, after you pick up after your favorite fuzzy-dumper, you just turn the whole thing inside-out, and tie it shut. Of course, if left in the sun, or an over-heated vehicle for long, they may also seep salient sniff-whangers around the air. But then, that's why God invented Fabreeze.
I hope the pup is OK.


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