It's hell in the hallway
Can we just have a moment of silence??? THE CARDINALS WON THE WORLD SERIES. Of course, 48 hours later they were named Most Dangerous City so it all balances out.
So I went to a friend's house Friday evening and ended up talking for 6 hours. She was my landlady when I was a senior in college, and I babysat for her 1-yr-old (who is this gorgeous actor in LA now). She and I had so much in common now that it was uncanny. She described what I was going through and what she went through as a trapeze act. The hardest part was letting go of the first swing. Once that was done, hanging in the air, waiting for the next swing sure isn't fun but it's necessary before grabbing onto that next swing. When I relayed that analogy to my sister's friend, she said, "When one door closes, another opens." And I thought (to myself, because my filter worked that day), "What a friggin' trite statement." And then she added, "But it's hell in the hallway." And I laughed. That's where I am. In the hallway. I want that on my tee-shirt.
So I went back "home" for 24 hours this past weekend. I do not recommend that. Yes, I stayed at the house because it was such a short visit. No, I did not sleep with my STBX. Yes, I was in the basement on the couch. Yes, it was friggin' lonely and weird. Yes, I deserved that. I'm glad I did it to see what had (and had not)been done. He has taken down anything that was related to me, family photos, trinkets that I hadn't packed, pillows. I couldn't blame him a bit. It was also good because I realized he had not done anything to get the house on the market. So in that way, I was glad to get there and see what progress had been made.
So I came back depressed and energized. Why did I think he would become pro-active when he is passive aggressive? And that's ok. Now I have to get things started. My sister is going out of town for a week (to see The Northern Lights) and instead of the STBX watching her cat, she suggested I come back and watch her house and the cat. Then I could help get our house on the market and not stay there. First, I secured an appointment with a well-known real estate agent in town. Then I will spend time every day packing up crap that I left behind when I ran away from home. Instead of being mean and vindictive, I called him and explained that I was sorry I left him with all that work and that it wasn't fair. Together we will get a storage unit for excess furniture and boxes. Together we will close out an account to pay off our credit card (and then I will cut it up). I am really not being naive. I just know how we work together. Why did I think I could get away with not doing this? Second, I called a lawyer and have an appointment. I think picking a friend who knows my STBX will make him less likely to think that we are "out to get him" as he would if I picked a stranger.
I'm not going through half the hell as The Artful Blogger or thousands of women with small children and shitty STBX-husbands. It's not cancer. It's just hell in the hallway.