Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Did I say that?

My church friends (I know, stop laughing.) are the best people in the world. They have been there for me and my family, through thick and thin. I can't say enough of them. The other night we had a 50th birthday party for one of the women, and it was WOMEN ONLY, while the men folk were at her house playing poker, drinking beer, and smoking cigars with the birthday girl's husband. (God, I love being Episcopalian!) There were about 30 of us and more wine and food that any sorority house could consume. Damn, we can put it away.

At one point, I had a small audience while I told the story of my husband fainting at the vasectomy CONSULTATION. After 16 years, even my husband can laugh at that story although it took a few years afterwards for him to see the humor in falling into the receptionist's desk, biting through his tongue, and knocking a hole into the door of the urologist's office. The women were falling over with laughter. (Sorry, Honey, but it IS funny.) Oh well, he cancelled the appointment and didn't reschedule it. I went out the next week and got an IUD and have been happy ever since. I reminded them about a member of our congregation whose husband had a vasectomy after the requisite 2 children, and she got pregnant SEVEN YEARS LATER. Apparently, you gotta get that thing checked out or things grow back together. You should have seen the look on this one woman's face whose husband just got the snip snip. She said, "We are going to have to reconsider some things." Another friend said, "Makes you rethink the whole swallowing thing, huh?" I thought we would break something from the laughter.

The highlight of the evening was when the hostess decided to play a game that she had thought of while driving home. She has a mind like a steal trap or has so much "disk space" left over in her brain that she can remember trivial quotes. She said these hysterical quotes and had us guess who said them. We were laughing so hard that tears were pouring out of our eyes, and I think I dribbled a little. Although you (my faithful readers) do not know the people involved, the quotes are pretty damn funny anyway.
"I told my ex-husband, 'I was born from white trash and I'm not afraid of jail.'"
"I'm not donating my organs when I die because no one is seeing me naked."
"I got screwed on this table." (meaning I paid too much) The hostess refrained from eating the appetizers off that table once she heard that comment.
And my quote was, "I'm joining the Visitation Committee because when I get old I want people to come visit me with soup and porn."

I could have sworn I said "soup and corn." I really like corn.


At 10:25 AM, Blogger Frecklehead said...

HA! was that a Freudian whip..er, I mean slip? hehe. we all do that.

I made a verbal faux pas recently as well (damn those double entendres) when I said something to the effect of "you've got put your finger in there to pull it out" when i was merely talking about keeping the paper from jamming in the printer. oops!


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