T minus 12 hours

In 12 hours I will wake up for my new job. Mind you, I have not woken up BEFORE noon in 16 weeks. Seriously. There have been a few days when I had something going on around 9 or 10 and had to drag myself out of bed, but for 95% of those days, I slept till noon. Sometimes 1. Now, if I had to do this over (OH GOD, SHOOT ME NOW), I would take my friends' advice: wake up on a regular schedule and exercise or volunteer. In short, WEAR SHOES. Not only have I not woken up before noon in 16 weeks, I have not worn shoes in that time. Ok, the occasional tennis shoes when I got into the routine of taking walks. I am going to die tomorrow. Do you think my new boss would agree to a 10-2 work day so I can get home to take a nap and watch "Oprah"? And go barefooted? Pleeeeease!!

If you haven't figured out, I finally got a job... after 16 weeks of gut-wrenching depression. I spent the first week curled up in my bed in a dark room fading in and out between sleep and tears. I promised myself I would only do that for a week and then I would get going. Well, that never happened. Some weeks were worse than other. I didn't get an interview until Week #8. I found no reason to wake up. I didn't want to volunteer. It's not as if I had retired and were enjoying my life of leisure and wanted to help others. And I know now that it would have been helpful to help those less fortunate, but I was so embroiled in my depression and grief and pain, that I could not see outside my hole. There were over 200 applicants for this position, and they narrowed it down to 5 interviewees. I was one of 2 finalists and was flabbergasted that I got the job since I have been very pessimistic lately.

I'm back at the university. I was so willing to give up that part of my life since they're the ones who screwed me over. Well, to be honest, they didn't screw me over. My former boss, who is happily retired now and oblivious to what he did to me, is who screwed me over, but that's a story for another day. It's very difficult to live in a college town, the same college you attended and pretend you don't care and wanted nothing to do with "Bully for ole' Mizzou, rah, rah rah, Mizzou, RAH!" You can understand. I had one interview with a company just up the street, and I was thrilled with the idea that I could walk to work and never go back to campus.

But since I live in a college town and the university is the largest employer in town, I'm sort of stuck with it. And this will be a good fit. Everyone is so thrilled for me. I am feeling much better these days. And I couldn't have gotten here without my wonderful friends and family. Supportive and comforting friends who have gotten me through this very very rough 4 months of hell. Much of it I brought on myself by not following the "rules." (See above in regards to alarm clocks and shoes) I think I would have slapped me a long time ago, and yet my friends (and you know who you are) have loved me through this whole wretched period of my life.

I may try to keep going on the blog while I work through some of this. I don't have many followers, but for the first time, maybe this whole thing is for me.