Have You Tried Some Chamomile Tea?

I ran across this list and thought it was worth sharing. It is spot on. Don't "yell" at me, S, for not blogging something original. I thought of you while reading this list because it's as if you wrote it for me. It's as if you took a class. It's as if you walked through this valley before.

How to show you care

What do you say to someone who’s depressed? All too often, it’s the wrong thing. People still have such a cloudy idea of what mental illness is.

Sometimes people will say, ‘Oh, you’re depressed? Yeah, I’ve been depressed,’ and you realize just the way they say it that, nooo, it’s not quite the same thing. It’s not just that I’m feeling sad or blue. Below is a list of helpful things to tell someone battling depression, followed by what not to say, courtesy of the Depression Alliance.

1) I’m here for you
What to say: You’re not alone in this.
What NOT to say: There’s always someone worse off than you are.

2) You matter
What to say: You are important to me.
What NOT to say: No one ever said that life was fair.

3) Let me help
What to say: Do you want a hug?
What NOT to say: Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

4) Depression is real
What to say: You are not going crazy.
What NOT to say: So you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?

5) There is hope
What to say: We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
What NOT to say: Try not to be so depressed.

6) You can survive this
What to say: When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.
What NOT to say: It’s your own fault.

7) I’ll do my best to understand
What to say: I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
What NOT to say: Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.

8) You won’t drive me away
What to say: I’m not going to leave you or abandon you.
What NOT to say: I think your depression is a way of punishing us.

9) I care about you
What to say: I love you. (Say this only if you mean it.)
What NOT to say: Haven’t you grown tired of all this “me, me, me” stuff yet?

10) We’ll get through this together
What to say: I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don’t need to worry that your pain might hurt me.
What NOT to say: Have you tried chamomile tea?

I love the last one: Have you tried chamomile tea? I think I have heard all the "What not to say" lines by well-meaning people. I might have even said a few of them from time to time. But I hope I have said the "What to say" statements more often.

Every night (when I feel better) I say to myself, "Tomorrow you are getting up at an appropriate time and walking. You have got to get to the gym. You have got to stop sitting around here in this dark apartment watching television. You can do it. What's so damn hard about getting out there and walking? It's beautiful outside. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. Have some chamomile tea." And every morning turns into noon and I am still in bed, and I drag myself out of bed and turn on the tv and look for a job on the internet and sit here with my heart pounding in my chest. Having something to do helps, a lunch date, an errand, choir rehearsal, anything to get me out of the house. Otherwise, I have no motivation. No plans. No interest.

I am a horrible role model to my daughter.

Maybe I need to reread the list and start saying some of "What to say" things to myself.