Friday, April 25, 2008

Rising From the Ashes...

This is not original but has been circulating on e-mail, and it spoke to me today. I have been up and down so much this week that I swear I'm on a roller coaster ride from hell. And by "up," I don't mean "high." I mean not as low as some days. And by "down" I don't mean suicidal. I mean not as high as I've been this last year. According to my dear blogger friend in New York, I should be going through this cycle several times in the next few weeks, but I just want to let you all know, I'm hanging in there. Up, down, high, low, but I'm still kicking. Hugs to all of you who have been there for me now and in the future. I could not get through this without you. You're the best.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift..........

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie or for not making my bed or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set . They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one or when a child suffers or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)



At 8:42 AM, Blogger Sailor said...

I think that's great, to become comfortable with who we are as people. I love that line- that you've become your own friend.

Who better to be our friends?

Hugs for ya rhe :)

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Bob said...

Over the past year I've followed your evolution. It's nice seeing where you are today compared to what you were back then. You're doing okay.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger having my cake said...

You have to have loved to have lived. Keep on doing it x


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