Monday, September 04, 2006

Word to the Wise

If you're separating from your spouse of 27 years, do not read 3-year's worth of journals from 17 years ago. In 1989 I told our priest we were heading toward a divorce, and luckily, he had a pastoral counselor up his sleeve for us to go see. So we spent 3 years in once-a-week separate counseling to save our marriage, and I kept a journal. While you remember that you've been here before, you also remember that this man held you when you had night terrors, were lonely and scared, and didn't think you could move. That man who held you then would hold you again if you asked.

Last night I sobbed at what I had done, knowing it was right, knowing I could take everything back. Knowing that my husband would wrap his arms around me and pretend this never happened. I think that hurt and scared me most of all.

6 Comments:

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Pam said...

Oh baby...tears are running down my face. I can hardly see.

So hard. Hugs and rocking gently. I am sending you these along with a comforting caress on the brow and some murmurs of 'shush' 'it'll be alright now'

I'm here.
♥Pam

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger greekchickie said...

I cannot imagine what you're going thru right now...

Be strong & do what's right for YOU. You've spent a lifetime doing what's right for your marriage, your husband & your girls. Now it's Ellen's time. No one will fault you if you change your mind, as long as this is what you want.

M~

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Sarahlynn said...

Everything's so much harder when it's not just black and white, yeah? But if it was a matter of pure good versus pure evil, you never would have gotten married, right?

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger The Anti-Wife said...

I admire your courage, Ellen. Be strong!

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger Silent One said...

it is all just so hard.

It takes so much courage and strength to do what you are doing...

stay strong my friend!

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger Janis said...

I can relate to this post so very much.

I'm going through an ugly divorce, his ugliness, not mine. Yet I know for all his horrible actions and words, he'd take me back if I just asked.

He's done it before and I've no doubts he'd do it again.

He's asked about counseling, anything, something to see if it will help. But nothing will. It's too far gone.

There are times I want to call it off just because the known is easier than the unknown. But I can't. To do so would be the death of me. Literally. I'm dying in this marriage and have to get out to stay alive.

Be strong. You can do this.

 

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