Monday, March 13, 2006

If you have to ask...

Now I know why women in their 50s (or in my case, approaching 50) have short hair. I used to think it was because we are far too old for current hair styles, sweeping do’s that make an attempt at looking young. Yes, I have been known to dry my hair in the nude because of how hot it makes me, but I have made sure I build in time for that factor and move on. And by long, I don’t mean Dr. Quinn long, just shoulder length or a little longer, enough for a pony tail, especially when it gets too hot. I keep thinking of my hair as my last bastion of youth. I will know I’m old when I cut my hair short short short.

Call Dan my stylist.

I spent this past weekend at my daughter’s apartment on my last Chi O Moms’ Weekend. For those uninitiated (GDI’s like I was in college), Chi O is a sorority to which my daughter belongs and once a year, they invite their mothers to partake in such activities as fake purse and silver jewelry parties and wine tasting events. But this weekend was a little different in that Saturday was a spa day. Lovely. Any other planned activities for the moms and daughters we replaced with shopping shopping and more shopping. We watched movies and had a great time. However, I did wake up on Saturday and thought I was on fire. I mean, literally o.n.f.i.r.e. I attributed it to young girls keeping their thermostats way too high or my daughter’s pillow top mattress or my ingesting steroids for an allergic reaction, but nevertheless, I was baking and drenched. Not once did I think I was having a hot flash. I can’t be having a hot flash. I am only 48 years and 7 months. COUNT THEM. 48 years and 7 months. I complain the next morning while standing in her bedroom in my tee-shirt that she keeps the house, and, subsequently, her bed way too hot for comfort. She, of course, thinks I’m nuts.

Last night I am home, read newspapers, doing laundry, catching up on 5 days of “ellen” shows. I watch “Sex and the City” and actually fall into bed exhausted and fall asleep by 11 which is unheard of for me. Before I know it, it’s 2am and I AM ON FIRE…o.n.f.i.r.e. Now, how can it be MY thermostat and MY pillow top mattress that is all haywire. Holy mother of God, I am having a hot flash. My body is burning up and my tee-shirt is soaked. I already look like a burning bush on any given night, but tonight, my head, the thing that holds up my hair, is ablaze with heat. Surely, I can feel this heat on the outside, but alas, my skin temperature is fine. I strip my pj’s off and head to the bathroom to put a cold washcloth on various sweaty parts of my body. If I didn’t have long hair, I would have stuck my head under a cold water faucet. I am tempted to hack my hair off at that point. And it’s at this point I realize, Jesus Christ, I am having a hot flash. In fact, this is my second one. I strip down to my tee-shirt and fall into bed under the ceiling fan and pull the comforter, blanket, and sheet aside. How can my husband still be clothed and under the covers? (I haven’t quite reconciled that he can’t and won’t be having this hot flash with me. I finally understand the saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” How dare he be calm and blissful and cool/warm? Why is he allowed to live?

I have often wondered if I had ever had a hot flash. I know I am approaching that age and thought that maybe I was going to be lucky in all this aging process. But I remember what my mother once told me about orgasms. If you have to ask whether you’ve had one, then you haven’t. The same can be applied to hot flashes.

I must get my hair cut.


At 12:50 PM, Blogger greekchickie said...

WAHHAAHAHAHA!! OMG this is so funny!

Here in the last year, I can't have my house warm, especially when I sleep. It must stay cool ~ like 65 degrees.

But at work, it's a popsicle up here, so I'm constantly frozen.


At 1:46 PM, Blogger Leesa said...

You would for sure hate my hair. It's heavy and thick and breaks rubberbands.
I can almost guarantee I'll have short hair when I get as old as you...bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :)
I'm so funny :P

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Shephard said...

Funny you'd say that about hair being the last bastion of youth. I kinda think this too. I keep my ponytail because it's full and healthy... and it's L.A. ;) But I think geez, someday, I may have to cut it off.

I see women much older than you with long silver hair, and I always think how beautiful it looks.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger Redhead Editor said...

Aren't you the sweetest, Shephard? You're not mean to old people like Leesa is. And you'd be cutting off that ponytail if you had hot flashes. I guarantee it.

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Pam said...

Hey....I am fourty three and I am having perimenopause so get over it sistah!! BWAHAAHAAAA.

Really, I'm sorry to break it to you but it's here. "The Change". But. There is relief. It's called Menopause Balancing Complex. And Energizing Soy Protein. Both from Shaklee. I frickin' swear by them. I will. not. go. without. my Menopause Balancing Complex because if I did, the bodies would start to pile up!!
Go to my website...I don't want to post it here (because I recently found out that is rude!)but you can get there from my blogsite sidebar.
Signed, your sistah in fluctuating hormones and t-shirts! AKA Pam :0]

At 10:25 AM, Blogger steve said...

Sorry babe, it was inevitable. I too am entering my "late forties" soon (less than a month). While not having hot flashes, I have notices some changes. 18 year old girls started looking TOO young years ago. 25 year old girls don't appeal that much either; I'd rather have a talking frog. Now I'm trying to decide if I want the Harley Davidison or the RV w/ bass boat. I may avoid the hot flashes, but the male alternative may hit my bank account pretty hard.
Tell Dave I wish him luck.



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