Dory is coming to visit

In 2 weeks we will be cat sitting for my niece kitty, "Dory," which is short for ADORABLE. Here she is in her Slut Pose.

I had the strangest dream

For Fathers' Day, Dorothy took her father to Six Flags. I insisted they enjoy this day by themselves. I would be in the way. Besides, he's not my father.

So I had an egg sandwich, read the paper, and took a nap. For those 2 hours, I had the strangest, most vivid dream. Have I been watching to much "Medium"? This was so detailed that I woke up at the end in the dream and was so upset that I wouldn't know how it ended only to discover I was still asleep but that the me in the dream was the one who woke up. I awoke 10 minutes later with the same feeling of wishing I knew how it ended, regretting that I could not finalize what I was trying to complete. Feel free to interpret.

So I'm sitting at a desk in an office which faces another desk with a view of the outside. Big plate glass window looking outside to a typical neighborhood in "The Hill." On the street a man discards his clothes and starts to puke. When I look at him again, he is eating a raw chicken and puking more. My colleague in the desk opposite from me and I realize we must call for help. I call 9-1-1 but get the wrong number. I call again, but it won't go through. The phone system is down. I quickly grab my cell phone from the bottom drawer and attempt to call 9-1-1 several times for someone to come help this man. By this time, I am outside with my cell phone, getting the wrong number, losing phone service. Finally, I the man has gotten dresses, very slovenly, but dressed, nonetheless, and I am holding his hand. His name is "Richard."

I don't want him to know I am calling for help for fear it will spook him out. I hold his hand very tightly and continue calling. Finally, I reach a 9-1-1 operator and tell her that I need some help for this man, but I have to do so in a way that he doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm afraid of losing his confidence, of his running away. So I pretend I'm not really talking to anyone, and instead talking to him like, "Richard, what's the problem? Can I help you?" The 9-1-1 operator wants to know the location, of course, but when I look up at the street signs, they are multiple as if the streets have several names, its original and another historical one, confusing the matter. She wants to know if I'm west of this or east of that, and I explain that I am directionally impaired and don't know.

Richard and I continue to walk up the street, away from the corner. My hand hurts from holding him so tightly. A half an hour passes and still no sign of an emergency vehicle. By this time, we have walked up the street and are now back where we started, with the puke and the raw chicken on the street across from a bar. Finally, I see a firetruck coming and then another, as if they have called out two when the first one didn't get to me fast enough. Still holding Richard's hand, I stand IN THE STREET and wave at the firetruck driver. She is sitting so high in the largest firetruck I have ever seen that she cannot see little ole' me in the street. She goes around me and past me. I am devastated. The second firetruck does likewise.

I am sitting on the stoop with Richard and our neighbor and my husband and several other people (whose faces are indistinguishable) while still trying to hold onto this agitated man. The longer are there the more coherent and pissed off he gets. Now he does not want me to hold his hand, but I am not letting go. A woman from the bar from across the street comes out, and I am hoping they know each other, but she confesses that she merely was helping him earlier (when he was puking) and does not know him. He is now ""sobering" up as he explains his friend Brian dropped him off when he started puking and left him there. I asked if they had been doing drugs, and he admits that he was pretty stoned and drunk and it's wearing off now, and he wants out of there. In the meantime, the same two firetrucks are circling larger blocks around us but never stopping, never seeing us. I call 9-1-1 again and can now see the street signs: corner of Montana and the other one keeps blurring. Still the firetrucks won't stop.

Richard keeps pulling away. Stores and restaurants in the area are getting deliveries. The area is bustling. My husband keeps falling asleep despite my calling him to help me hold onto Richard. All of a sudden I wake up IN MY DREAM. I am so upset and fall to my knees on the same sidewalk and cry out of frustration that I will never know how this ends and could not help this guy. (Only I'm still asleep in reality!) I am sobbing on the stoop with my head in my arms, kneeling on the grass. I can hear the wailing of the sirens but no firetrucks in sight. All of a sudden, my eyes IN REAL LIFE pop open, woken up from all the siren noise. I am really awake and know now that I will never know how this ends or whether I got help for Richard.

Meet my Maine Weather Pixie

Did you notice I have two weather pixies on my blog? Confusing, no? One, the redhead of course, tells the weather for St. Louis. Those numbers will probably be high all summer. The other pixie, the brown-haired girl, symbolizes Mabel, the daughter who lives in Maine for the summer. She coaches lacrosse and field hockey all summer at a camp for rich girls. It was apparent 2 summers ago that, in order to stay alive and not strangle my older daughter, she could not live at home during the summers after spending the school year at college. Don't get me wrong. We adore each other. We are best friends. We are funny together and have a blast. We are also so much alike that harm would come to 1 or both of us if we lived together too long in cramped quarters. So last year I helped find her a job as a camp counselor in Maine. The opportunities were and remain endless. First, free room and board. Second, free air fare to Maine. She also escorts girls back and forth from various locations. Third, there are weekend trips to locations in Maine that she would never ever get to otherwise so why not take advantage of it. Fourth, it's outdoors and glorious weather. (See Maine weather pixie!) Fifth, it's with teen girls which will prepare Mabel for her teaching career. Sixth, she has met some fabulous people. Seventh, she has learned to pack her entire life (including linens, towels, pillows) into 2 pieces of luggage, a skill she might need in the future. I miss her terribly, but it's for our own goods.

So yesterday her plane left at 6:38 from the St. Louis airport. Last year, when I we were younger and crazier, we stayed up all night until we left for the airport at 5. But this year, we took a cat nap beforehand. We both looked and felt shot at and missed and shit at and hit. Mabel didn't start packing until 10 o'clock the night before. Way to procrastinate, Mabe! I drifted off (after many commands from HRH) around 2AM and got a 2 hour nap. Mabel drifted off around 3 for an hour nap. Got the car packed and away we went. Now, in my defense, has anyone else noticed that they have changed things at the St. Louis airport? I am really good at the "kiss and park" places, but I had to park so as not to kick Mabel out of the car with a kiss. I followed the signs and made it to the garage parking attendant who stopped me to check my SUVette for bombs. He waved me on, and I proceeded OUT of the parking lot instead of through the turnstiles to collect the ticket. Hey, what do you expect? It was 5 o'clock in the friggin A of M. By following the signs, I was soon heading to downtown St. Louis or Kansas City, with no chance of getting back to the garage parking. And I'm not making this up. We found another entrance, the one I was more familiar with, and can you believe it was cordoned off with a "Closed until 6AM" sign attached to the yellow crime scene tape. Back on the highway to find my way into the airport. Minutes ticking away. Now we are racing the clock while I find the airport attendant again at the parking garage who just waved me on, having waited 1/2 hour for me to return. He didn't even stop me to look for bombs, figuring that I didn't have an opportunity to pick up a terrorist while driving around the airport to find him again. This time I drove left, not right and found the turnstile that would barf out the ticket. I parked.

Now how to get to the terminal. Of course, we took the wrong escalator and landed too low. Then we found an elevator that would get us to the terminal because she had to check in her luggage. As we stood on one side of the airport peering into the terminal side, we saw that there was no way across the "park and kiss" lanes so we had to find another level to arrive on. It was madness. I was making Mabel carry her own luggage to prove she could be independent, and she was weighed down with a hikers' backpack and a huge suitcase on wheels with all of her linens. Finally, she was walking at a snail's pace and yelling, "Now that we know I can be fucking independent, can you help wheel this suitcase??" Fine. We got into the terminal and it's barely an hour before the plane leaves and the lines is snaking to check out. This kind security guard explained that we could do the self check-in which was terrific. Done. And then we waited for the personnel to take her luggage. Sorry, it can't take her backpack because of all the straps and all the rollers on the luggage carrier. So we had to stand in line where the conveyer belt is rollerless. We stood behind 5 Tibetan monks in gold "sheets." They had lovely smiles and obviously spoke no English and had massive amounts of what appeared to be very heavy luggage. I said to Mabel, "Who knew those sheets weighed that much?" Now we were giggling, not AT them, but at the morning's capers and my sheet comment. I hope I didn't set our countries' relation back 1000 years.

We took the escalator down and saw the huge line to the scanners. Who knew the airport was this crazy at 5:45 in the morning? We went to a bagel/donut place for breakfast and grabbed a sweet roll just like we did last year (when we stayed up all night and were much calmer and controlled). It's now going on 6 and could easily take Mabel 30 minutes to get through that line so she grabbed the sweet roll and we ran to the line. As she looks up, there are the gold sheeted monks right in front of her. We dodged the bullet when they looked up with their round-faced smiles. We hugged and yelled, "I love you" to each other as I left for the up escalator to snake back in reverse to find my car. Luckily, I had been chanting Green C, Green C the whole morning so I could remember where I parked. I drove home with little traffic beside me and crashed. Well, I read the paper and drank and Diet Coke and then crashed.

Mabel called from Boston to tell me she made it there and then from her camp in Maine to tell me she made it there. She said it was 50 degrees last night so I got the weather pixie to let me know how cold it is in Maine. I already miss her. It's best this way. We adore each other much more with several states in between us.

Have I ever?

Stolen from Leesa over at Peace of My Mind. Hope you don't mind.

Snuck out of the house........ No, never really had to. I used to come home by curfew and then left again because Mom didn't care where I was.
Gotten lost in your city.........I am so directionally impaired. I have learned to stay calm except for one when the exit did not have an entrance back on the highway. I was sobbing and in a very bad part of town.
Seen a shooting star.......... Never.
Been to any other countries besides Canada.... Traveled to London on the company's dime in 1997. Loved it.
Had a serious surgery........ Would you call an emergency cholecystecomy serious? I would especially since it was the old-fashioned kind.
Gone out in public in your pajamas....... Since my pj's are often tee-shirts and shorts or lounging pants, what's the harm?
Kissed a stranger...........Hmmm, what defines a stranger?
Hugged a stranger......... probably same answer as the last question.
Been in a fist fight........ Make love not war.
Been arrested.......... NO! I would definitely wet my pants at the possibility.
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose...... Ya, haven't you?
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator........'fraid so. I was a child shit disturber.
Swore at your parents.........Yes, but not proud of it. It happens when you deal with a crazy lady for a mother.
Been in love.......A couple of times.
Been to a casino......... Yes, 2 sisters lives in Vegas at separate times. But never close to home (in St. Louis). Gambling scares me, and why bother when you can play games on the computer that don't cost money.
Been skydiving.......... OMG, I would definitely wet my pants on that one. Look out below!
Skinny dipped...........I don't swim, so a naked drowning woman has a higher chance of needing saving and then someone would actually see me naked.
Skipped school...........Yes, mostly a class here or there my senior year after years of being a golden child so no one suspected. I was always "selling ads" for the school newspaper!
Seen a therapist........ Yes, thank God. Saved my life. Saved my marriage.
Done the splits........... Yes, as a child and teenager when I was not so fat and very limber.
Played spin the bottle...........Never that popular.
Gotten stitches..........Got hit by a car when I was 10, resulting in a few stitches. That emergency surgery I spoke of earlier. And cut my finger on a dog food can lid. OUCH!
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.......... Oh God no, not a big milk fan.
Bitten someone............ When I was little, my nephew who is now almost 40, was a biter. My big sister, his mother, told me that I had to bite him to show him that he had to stop. Nothing like sticking a 2-yr-old's hand in your mouth to bite on purpose. Ahhh, children rearing the 60s.
Been to Niagara Falls........Nope.
Gotten the chicken pox....... Worse case in Jeff City history. Just kidding, but I was in kindergarten and in the early 60s, when they didn't know the time frame of the disease, you had to stay out of school the entire time you had the "pox." I was out of school of 6 weeks. Not a pretty sight. I don't think there was a spot on my body that was not infected.
Kissed a member of the opposite sex.......Yes, hmmmm that may be my big secret. You're dying of curiosity, aren't you?
Crashed into a friend's car........ When I was 16 and just got my license, I crashed into my friend's mailbox, creamed it. Does that count?
Been to Japan......... No
Ridden in a taxi............Many times on business trips so I could tip generously.
Been dumped........... Oh God yes. It was probably mutual.
Shoplifted............ Shoplifted perfume (Paris Nights) from the Kress in downtown Jeff City. Never caught, but I did feel guilty. One time I was "wearing" a blank apron on my shoulder from a craft store so I could buy it and noticed it was on my shoulder when I got to the car. My daughter and I cracked up because I think we were felons.
Been fired............. No, but being laid off is bad enough.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex.........No
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back........... Ahh, high school.
Gone on a blind date............. Set up in college with a guy who only had a thumb and a finger on his right hand. Awk! But damn, he could roll a joint with his little claw faster than most people could with all 5 fingers.
Lied to a friend...............Yes, who hasn't?
Had a crush on a teacher............ No.
Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans........... I never want to go to a party where they are excited when the death toll is in the single digits that year.
Slept with a co-worker............ Have you seen the people I've worked with?
Been married........... Yes. Still am. 25 years!
Had children............. 2 wonderful, brilliant, witty, gorgeous daughter
Seen someone die............I've seen someone pretty close on death's doorstep, but not actually die.
Had a close friend die...........Yes, was to have dinner with a close friend on his 45th birthday. His brother called me because he opened his birthday card and called me to tell me that dinner was cancelled and instead I could come to his funeral. It was so awful. Who has a funeral on their 45th birthday?
Been to Africa............ No
Driven over 400 miles in one day........... My husband loves to drive and do it in a day likes there's some reward when we pull into the driveway. So I don't do the driving. I do the navigating and stay awake so he doesn't drive us off the road.
Been to Mexico.......... Juarez to see the dog races. It was no Cancun.
Been to India............. No, but my daughter is dating an Indian (dot not feather). Does that count?
Been on a plane............ Many many times.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.............I have never seen it because when it came out, I was already a teacher and I was deathly afraid of running into a student while stoned (me or them) so I never went.
Thrown up in a bar..........I have a rot-iron stomach. Never thrown up because of alcohol.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire............Is this crazy? I have set fires in my closet as a child. Not smart.
Eaten sushi..........California roll which isn't raw.
Been skiing/snowboarding............. One of the worst experiences of my life. Had to be rescued off the top of Mt. Riodoso (New Mexico) by the ski patrol after spraining my ankle. Spent the rest of spring break in front of a fireplace drinking rum toddies.
Met someone in person from the internet............ Yes. Twice. Wrote back and forth to an author's secretary (I was in publishing.), and on a whim, the family drove down to Florida and she and her family flew to Orlando one summer. It was wild, and she is one of my dearest friends now. The other time? Gonna write a book about this one day.
Lost a child.............At the mall? No. I've tried. Just kidding.
Gone to college/university............M-I-Z... Z-O-U... bully for ole Mizzou.
Graduated college/university.............No
Fired a gun................. Yes, once with John DeClue when he was in ROTC. Scared the holy shit out of me, but I have a lot of respect for the whole process and know now that when I see a gun fight on tv or the movies, it should be knocking the shooters on their butts.
Purposely hurt yourself................. I bite the inside of my mouth sometimes which hurts like hell esp when eating Mexican food the next day, but nothing like cutting myself or setting fire on myself.
Taken painkillers............... Can we go back to that emergency surgery? Hurts like a son of a bitch to be cut from stem to stern. I don't even know where my stem or my stern is, but it hurts when you cut it. Plus, I had the worst breastfeeding experience in the world and had to take Darvacet for a while. Doesn't necessarily take away the pain. You just don't care about the pain any more. Good stuff! But scary!

A new modem

My modem died last Thursday. (Memorial service time to be announced later.) After several attempts and gasping for help, I finally called the SBC people. They sent out a phone geek (at my expense) on Friday to tell me that my modem died (so the service call was free). I have been checking my e-mail at the local library and a friend's house. I have not written people lengthy reply messages and realize how attached I am to this machine and my e-mail. I have missed reading my friends' blogs. I have missed playing games other than solitaire (free cell, spider, and regular) and Snood. I am definitely addicted, and I will admit it. So I'm back.

I continue to freelance. Mabel continues to drive me nuts as much as I adore her. She and I are best friends who grate on each other's nerves. We do better knowing she is leaving soon. She returned from Greece last Friday and will be leaving for Maine next Wednesday, none too soon. We have been shopping a bit which always calms the wild beast in her, and she does have a boyfriend who occupies her time, thank God. Dorothy finished school and is babysitting for the same child she watched last summer. She and the hubby leave Sunday for their mission trip in Indiana. That's 3 days with just Mabel and then I have 2 days alone. (happy dance) The 3 of us went to see "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" tonight. It was a great movie for us to bond over even if Mabel didn't shed a tear while Dorothy and I cried.

I have been getting up a decent time (9?) and exercising sporadically but exercising nonetheless. I even proofed a brief for a lawyer friend. Typed a few letters for a real estate friend. (Actually I'm friends with his wife and can't stand him but do work for him so he won't bother her.) So I'm staying busy but nothing earth-shatteringly exciting. I am working on my neighbor's retirement party, sending out invitations, taking tee-shirt orders, collecting money. I love that my freelance schedule allows me to participate (volunteer) in other activities.