Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Squares of toilet paper

I know, it's my anniversary, and I should be spouting the wonders of a quarter century of marital bliss, but I have other things on my mind. Yes, the husband came through with a dozen red roses last night and a sappy card. How sweet. Good boy. He done good. I waited too long to buy the gift I wanted for him, and it must be ordered. Oh well. He'll get it before the next 25 years.

My oldest daughter, a college kid, is so wise and reminds me/us how we are wrong or stupid. I wish this for all of you. I had no idea I had been using too much toilet paper until my daughter pointed it out. I think her exact words were, "Your cooch is not THAT big." Now it's a running joke that she must count the squares I pull off. I check with her every time now just to be obnoxious. No more obnoxious than telling me how much toilet paper I can use.

So, although she is home for a month of toilet paper square counting, today she is off again with friends for the next 2 days. I went to the bathroom and used all the toilet paper I wanted. Hell, I am 47 years old. I can have 20-minute showers, if I want. I can eat dessert first. And I can use all the squares of toilet paper that I want. So there, Miss Know It All.

On a sad note, Jerry Orbach died. Lumiere in Beauty & the Beast, a Tony for "Promises, Promies." And of course, Lenny Briscoe for 12 years on Law & Order. A moment of silence please for Lenny Briscoe.


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