Tuesday, December 28, 2004

The day before our anniversary

I'm taking the leap. After being in the pilot seat for my daughter's blog last summer, I've decided I should have one of my own. I mean, after all, I love to write and I type 80 words a minute so I can just type nonsense and be done in no time when I post. Now I just need an audience.

Tomorrow is my (oooops... OUR) 25th wedding anniversary. Already, you know I am at least 43 if I got married at the age of 18 WHICH I DIDN'T. I got married at the age of 22, still too young, but that makes me 47. I have absolutely NO idea how we got here. Where did a quarter of a century go? I swear to God, it was yesterday when we brought home that little yellow blob of baby from the hospital 21 years ago (only to take her back and forth to the emergency room to check her bilirubin in 20 BELOW zero temp throughout the holidays). Yesterday, I tell you. Since then, we had another blob of baby 5 years later, moved to Kirkwood, bought a house, went through several cars and jobs and here we are... married for 25 years.

I have a lot of advice on how to get here, none of which I heeded. But the biggest one, which I did/do follow, is forgive and forget. (Which is quite easy when you hit your 40s). When we were at our lowest point 5 years ago, separated, almost divorced, I was recovering from a full-out nervous breakdown, the kind you hear about from Hollywood. I was writing checks to a shrink who would then prescribe great drugs while asking me "Are you suicidal?" And I had my hands shoved in my coat pocket thinking, "Lady, I don't have the energy to kill myself, but thanks for asking." It hit me that I could keep paying this lady for the sessions or make the decision on my own: Did I want to stay married or not? When it came down to it, I had found a man who, after 20 years with me, would still curl his body around me while I shook from an anxiety attack, and then go back to his room. How lucky can a girl get? So I kept him around. But before doing so, I had to decide that I would put away all the ugly things that had happened to us. Holding onto them just made us bitter and angry and frustrated and mad as hell. We could not undo the past so we might as well move forward. When you make that decision, you can no longer reminisce, "Remember the Christmas you gave me size XXXL flannel pajamas with teddy bears on them (after I had just bought the same pair the weekend beforehand)?" or "Remember that time you bought me the book titled 'How To Look 10 Years Younger' for Mother's Day when I was 27?" Or "Remember the time I bore your children, but you didn't give me anything like flowers or jewelry that I heard other husbands do for their wives after birthing a watermelon from their loins?"

When you vow to stay together by never bringing up the past, you lose the chance to reflect on those fun times. But you look into the future and realize that he ain't that bad after all. And that brings us to 25 years. It can happen in the blink of an eye, and when you vow to forgive and forget, it makes it go even faster. And then there's always good drugs.

Happy Silver Anniversary to us!


At 4:10 PM, Blogger Sarahlynn said...

Love love love love love it! Welcome to the Blogosphere in your own right. I am adding you to my blogroll.


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