Sunday, January 29, 2006

The House That Redheadeditor Built

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You are shy and reserved.

If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

Wanna build your own house?
Stolen from Leesa (so what's new?)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I wanna meet that dog

Today while driving to work I saw a bumper sticker that read:

My Scottie dog is smarter than your honor student.

I wanna meet that dog.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Please don't dooce me...

Ok, Folks, I am writing about work, and as we all know, that can be dangerous territory. Of course, I won't reveal names, and no one at work knows I have a blog, but we all know that it's a small world so please keep this to yourselves. Shhhhh!

So I work in an office with 4 men. My boss is a dear sweet man who is loved and adored by the students despite his absent-mindedness. For instance, he owns a pair of really nice pants with a broken zipper. For a while we thought he was just forgetful when arriving to work with his fly unzipped. I grew up with all girls and have daughters and a husband who knows how to zip his pants. I didn't need this aggravation. But after the 3rd and 4th time of each person reminding him to zip up, he finally revealed that it was broken. Ok, shit happens. So fix it or throw out the pants. Time and time again, he continues to wear the pants. I'm sure he just forgets each time he puts them on. How do you burn a perfectly good (perhaps expensive) pair of pants when the zipper is clearly broken and causing great embarrassment. We have yet to figure that out, and frankly, that's not in my job specs.

There is an MD/PhD in the department who is kind and soft-spoken. And although he gives me work with minimal instruction and I have to lean forward to understand him, I have no complaints. Another assistant in the department is nice and young, always looking for a mate, a hard worker, who has no family in the area so part of me tends to mother him. I will try my hardest not to.

That brings us to the last man. I knew from the first day that I had little in common with this man, but I was going to hold my tongue. It did not take long to realize that he is highly ADD and nervous. He shakes and can't sit still. Within a week, it was clear we were on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but I am (believe it or not) holding my tongue. He is nosy, and it is not unusual to find him looking through things on people's desks and reading them. I do not take any personal e-mail at work and leave nothing on my desk or in my drawers that might perk his interest. He has a big "W" sticker on his truck and I am trying my hardest not to get into any political conversations with him. He goes off on some subjects that I don't agree with, but I really do keep my mouth shut until he gets hateful, and then I mention the other side. He plays jazz and bluegrass on his computer much of the day which I hate (in that atmosphere) and talks about guitars and how much he knows about this subject and that. For instance, he went off on David Letterman attacking Pat O'Reilly and was gleeful that he felt O'Reilly really showed up Letterman on his own show. Then he went off on Cindy Sheehan. Well, I know that some of my faithful readers and I may have different views on Sheehan and her efforts and the war, but the vehemence in his voice was so hateful. All I said was, "I don't know how I would feel if my child were killed in that war." I didn't even mention how horribly opposed I am to this war. I just thought I needed to defend someone who had lost a child. He went off on what a horrible individual she is and what a liar she is. I kept quiet.

Last Friday we were in the middle of a move because they are renovating our department. We were going back and forth down the fall with movers here or there, and I found myself by this man's desk trying to stay out of the way of the movers. I made some mention about it being Friday the 13th and how I didn't really like Friday the 13th. Nothing bad has ever happened to me on that date to make me feel this way. It's just the way I am. I don't date checks or letters with the 13th. And I said, "I know it's weird, but it's my only..." and before I could get out the word "fear" or "quirk" or "idiosyncrasy," this man said, "Oh no it's not." I said, "Excuse me?" He said, "You have something else." I thought me meant I had another fear and said, "How do you know I have another fear?" He said, "It's not another fear. You have another thing about you. Can I be honest?" And without waiting for an answer like, "No, frankly, I don't care what you have to say that's wrong with me," he said, "You get very defensive when you don't know something." And then he added, "I'm just telling you this as a friend."

My first thought was, "I am not your friend, and you are not mine," but I held my tongue. Really I did. I wanted to tell him, "I have only known you for 2 months, and 2 months does not a friend make." I just stared at him. He continued, "When you don't know something, you get really defensive," and of course, I'm thinking he means that when I am new at something and learning, I get defensive and I kept thinking "How does a person who has been out of the work world get defensive about learning new things when clearly I have much to learn?" And then I realized that when someone calls you defensive, there is no way you can defend yourself without sounding defensive. I just stared. I said, "If I do so, it must be subconscious." And I walked away.

And of course, being the person I am, I kept thinking about this comment and wondering if I'm really defensive when learning something new. I worried all day about it and tried to remember a time he or someone else was trying to teach me something new and I came off as defensive. I stayed out of his way and was thrilled that in our new situation I am not in the same "bullpin" as he is. I will be in a crowded office by myself, and he gets to share an office with the man who keeps wearing the unzipped pants. As I kept thinking about what this man said to me and wondering how I could possibly defend myself against a comment about my being defensive, I ate up way too much of my time worrying about how I am being perceived by my new work mates.

And then it hit me. Did he say I am too defensive when I don't know something because I came to Cindy Sheehan's defense? Maybe he wasn't talking about my work habits or abilities at all. And if you noticed, I didn't come to her defense. I'm still not sure how I feel about her, but I do know I DON'T know how I would act, react, feel if my child died in a war, specifically this war. That's all I said to him, and if that came off as defensive, well, then fuck him. After two months, you don't get to judge someone. I didn't tell him to his face what I think of him after two months. Why does he think he can tell me? He's not my boss. I have since found out that the students can't stand him and feel the same way I do in describing him. He obviously has delusions of grandeur about his abilities and thinks he can tell people what he thinks after such a short time.

I am not giving it another thought, but wish me luck when it comes to keeping my mouth shut. Just don't say you're telling me something "as a friend," when we are not friends. We are work mates who barely know each other. Nothing more. Now does that sound defensive?

Monday, January 09, 2006

Always stealing from Leesa

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Do you remember the day?

This really isn't your usual first-of-the-year post because it really doesn't have anything to do with the New Year. It's just a rant that I've been thinking about this past week, and when Leesa mentioned Laura and Jen's dad, I knew I had to bring it up. Do you remember the day or date your loved one died? Of course you do. If you don't remember the exact date, you at least can get close. I don't always remember the exact date my mother died (because her memorial service was 2 weeks later), but I remember it was the Thursday before Palm Sunday. (And we had to wait until after Easter to have a service since priests are a tad bit busy at that time of the year.) But my mother is not my child. I think I would remember the exact day, the exact date, the exact moment my child died. I have a friend who swears she does not.

Da Nile ain't just a river in Egypt. It's no secret that I have a very close friend whose daughter committed suicide 5 years ago last Thursday. Do I remember it because it's my wedding anniversary? Perhaps. But I don't think I will ever forget that this young healthy 19 year old took her life on a Friday morning after Christmas, after both her parents' birthdays that week, before New Year's. My daughter was very close to the young girl's brother and took him out on New Year's, and we have pictures of him looking pretty numb, but he had to get out of the house. So I sit around on pins and needles waiting for my friend to make the first move on that date in case she needs me or wants me. She is no where near healing like other parents might be after 5 years, no scholarship in her memory, no attendance at support groups, no mandatory therapy for the brother. Just denial. So when her husband's family, sisters, nieces etc, sent her a bouquet of flowers on the anniversary of the day her daughter died, my friend went ballistic. She was furious that they would be so cruel saying to me, "I don't sit around thinking that today is the day my daughter died." Well, IT SHOULD BE.

Here's where I need your opinion. I assured her that I didn't think they meant anything mean by the gesture. One of the problems is that side of the family has not always been nice to her so she thought they were being mean. I don't think so. I think they were thinking of her and letting her know that they were thinking of her daughter. How would you feel if someone sent you a note, an e-mail, a bouquet on the anniversary that a loved one died? Would you be offended? Am I weird because I remember dates? Obviously, Laura and Jen remembered in detail the day their father died. Am I insensitive to this because I've never had a child die? A very dear friend died a year ago in 2 weeks, and I plan to drop his sister and best friend a note. You read about my friend's son who died in November over in Germany. And I plan on making a note on my calendar, and on November the 3rd I will drop her note that says I'm thinking of her. Am I morbid because I remember?

Are we not supposed to remember the anniversary of a loved one's date? Am I not thinking clearly because this particular case involved a daughter and a suicide and not a father and a heart attack? I don't think my friend liked my answer since she often calls for validation. I wasn't choosing their side against hers. I just told her that I knew that the day was the anniversary of her daughter's death and that I thought the flowers were a kind gesture that said they wouldn't forget her. The call ended abruptly.

So do you remember death dates?