2 years ago today I packed up my things, or what could fit in my car and my sister's car, and left. I had told my
husband the month before that it was over. After 26 years of marriage, it was over. And as he sat in shock (although I reminded him that he couldn't possibly be shocked, really
), I went about packing up and moving on. If you've been a "fan," you know I took a road trip to Montana for a week with a blogger friend watching the house and pets of another blogger friend. Somehow they knew back in June that I needed something to cling to, something to put some umph
in my life. Little did they know and little did I know that it was more than just a road trip to Montana.
Last month my dear Pam who, by marriage, has the same last name as I do so we consider ourselves sisters not only by name but by a common bond that you gain from reading blogs and then driving 15 hrs one way and spending a week in the mountains of Montana. She and her lovely husband, 4 dogs, and 3 cats moved across the country to Vermont and took the time to stop in Missouri to see me. I sure hope you notice that together we have lost enough weight to make another adult, and damn, we look good. A lot has happened in 2 years, but we promise not to let so much time pass before we see each other again. That means I will be visiting Vermont one day since she has already seen Missouri. Now say a special prayer for her Gracie since she (and Hank) got hit by a car the other day. One broken leg and one amputated leg later and Gracie is home to recuperate but could use the good positive thoughts.
So how do I feel 2 years after walking out? I am in my own place with my own couch and my own mattress (since my ex never
returned my mattress as deigned by the divorce decree) and a sea 'o boxes. There I go with the water images! As of last weekend, I started unpacking some of those boxes. I have been living as a nomad for 2 years now and finally came to grips with questions such as "Do I belong here?" "Will I be staying?" "Where is my home?" "Do I deserve to be happy?" I am learning to live in my own skin and call this place home. I think I've come a long way, esp since this summer when you saw me at my very worst.
I am very fortunate to have a job at the university, and while it may not be challenging per se,
I am having to learn a lot of new things which does challenge me. I have come to the conclusion that while I hate numbers and accounting, I am so regretful that I didn't or, rather, couldn't have majored in something more profitable. I resent that the numbers people in the world make all the money while those of us who know the placement of a comma and an apostrophe are swept by the wayside. But as much training as I have undergone in that area, I have discovered that not only do I not have the brains for accounting (vouchers, POs, MoCodes), I also DON'T CARE. I hear Charlie Brown's teacher every time they open their mouths to explain another procedure. God, accountants are boring. (Sorry if I have offended anyone out there.) I love my new place and am so grateful for those friends who have helped me move and set up the place, but I can barely afford it along with my car payment and sit still so nothing major happens. (I haven't decided whether to buy or rent in the future with my share of the equity.) But it's a start. My new cell phone has a pedometer, and I am fascinated by how many steps I can take on purpose and accidentally. I am trying to get 2 to 3 miles in a day walking around campus. After all, I work on one of most beautiful campuses anywhere. I have joined a choir with one performance already done and another coming up next month. This was something I had promised myself last year when I moved here but never did it because I never wanted to put roots down here if I was going to move soon.
Well, we all know that didn't happen and isn't going to happen. And I am fine with that. Matter of fact, I am glad I am here. I have volunteered for Planned Parenthood (my old employer). I am making new friends. I am enjoying being single. It's been 2 long years or I can't believe it's gone so quickly. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
Labels: Transition, uncoupling, work